I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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