Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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