so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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