go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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