Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
