You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
