Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Let's paint friendship bongs
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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