He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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