what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
