all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
