I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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