We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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