My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
