i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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