i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
