Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
