just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
