Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
