Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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