the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
