Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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