What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
