This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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