Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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