If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
NoShamevember. You game?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
