thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
