Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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