Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
