mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
