Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
