the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he thought i was a dude.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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