I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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