His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
