Too much gin, very little bucket
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
