Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
