I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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