Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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