the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
