I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
