I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
