Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
