Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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