Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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