physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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