I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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