i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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