Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
