Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
