now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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