dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
