FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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